As of February 1st Reason 4: The Unofficial Guide, a special issue of Computer Music Magazine, is available in the United States. This is cool news because 1) it’s a great magazine with some handy production tips, and 2) I co-authored one of the articles in this issue!

Kurt Kurasaki a.k.a. Peff gave me the opportunity to work with him on the article “Programming Drum ‘n’ Bass with the Dr.REX.” I can’t say enough about what a brilliant programmer he is. I had a lot of fun writing, and actually learned a bit, too. I hope people find it helpful!

Cheers

Hey folks,

It’s about damn time I uploaded some new material, and so here it is. Visit my myspace page, and have a listen! It’s a departure in style from anything I’ve ever done, and I had a blast making it. Turn up the volume.

Cheers

There’s a scene in Billy Madison where Chris Farley (as a nervous bus driver) is caught picking through the lunches stowed in the back. In typical Farley fashion, it’s effin funny. And, what makes it funnier is that I remember that kid. Always sneaking into the room where the lunch boxes were back in elementary school, and emerging with a gooey smudge of twinkie juice on his chin. Maybe that’s the wrong image. In any case, it’s a gag you only expect to encounter in movies, right?

Well, this shit happened to me today. No joke. In my office — a “professional” work place where editors, upper management, IT and Human Resources all congregate in loving harmony — somebody stole my fucking lunch. Right out of the fridge!

OK, to be honest they didn’t take the whole thing. They rifled through this closed, brown paper bag (yeah, I’m that guy) which had been happily chilling (heh) on a shelf in the break room fridge and took out the tasty parts, leaving me with a container of yogurt.

I have a few theories on the ‘perp’:

• He or she is lactose intolerant.
• There was a shortage of time, and so the yogurt was left behind so as to avoid discovery.
• It was Lord Helmet.

Anyway, I ate the yogurt and threw away the brown bag before thinking I could have dusted for prints. I was more hungry than angry, I guess.

The funniest part about the whole thing is that apparently this has happened before. Someone in management (whose lunch was obviously tastier than my own) got so mad that they wrote an e-mail addressed to the whole floor. I included it below for posterity’s sake:

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TO: MyFloor

FROM: WhineyExec

SUBJECT: Refrigerator items

I hope whomever had my wife’s leftover baked ziti as a meal liked it. Please respect others and don’t take food from the refrigerator that isn’t yours! What’s worse, the person who had what WAS to be my lunch today could have at least washed out the container rather than eating 90% of it and putting it back in the refrigerator.

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That is so much way more awesome than anything I could have come up with, so I didn’t bother writing an e-mail.

In closing, if you’re reading this, dude who stole my lunch, I licked everything. A lot.

This is somewhat old news, as Pandora (and another website like it) has been around for a while, but I was mentioning this to a friend the other day and figured I’d post something here as well.

Pandora is an internet radio station which was put together by a number of trained musicians and otherwise-bright-fellows.  Basically, the gimmick is that all you the listener have to do is input a song or artist you like, and Pandora will build a radio station based on the sonic qualities of your choice.  You can then rate up or down any songs it plays to further customize your station.

I set up a station using the band Massive Attack as an example, and have built up a pretty awesome continuous trip-hop stream.

The unfortunate thing about Internet radio right now, is that it might all end.  The RIAA has upped their royalty fees for online music streaming which will essentially put Internet radio out of business.  If you’re interested at all, you can read about it here, as well as find out ways you can help remedy the situation.  It’s worth a read for sure.

It’s nice to get a reminder every once in a while that I have a blog.  Usually this reminder comes in the form of an e-mail notification that someone has left a comment on a post I made.  So far, all but one of these comments has been a devious attempt to get an advertisement for something gross on my website.  It’s sort of like Spy vs. Spy, except not as entertaining.  They do have nice things to say about what I write, though.  I wonder if they mean it?  I think I’ll let any spam comments in response to this post stick.  Don’t click any links in the comments, because they’re probably gross.

Dear Spam Artists,

You almost got me that time.  Just kidding.  You’re not even close.  This time the joke’s on you.
Cordially,

Moderator

Hey everyone!

Lincoln James was born Oct. 24, 8lbs 8oz.  He’s a big baby, with a set of lungs that already fills a room.  The birth was a long one, which ended up being a cesarean section, but both mother and child are healthy as can be!

Pictures of the baby are what you really want, I know, so without further ado: my flickr page!

Woohoo!

If one were to hear the words “The Weiner Circle” a lot of things might come to mind. If you’re me, most of them are dirty, and a little gross.

The reality is, “The Weiner Circle” is a joint in Chicago, serving red hots (for some reason Chicagoins don’t know they’re called hot dogs) to drunken college students at all hours of the night.

It gets pretty crazy in there. The last time I went, some drunk guys were spreading cheese all over the windows. C’mon guys, that’s not cool. Cheese is a sacred thing. It makes french (Freedom?) fries more delicious, and (Pat’s) cheesesteaks divine.

Anyway, the staff at this place are pretty irate, maybe from dealing with drunk guys rubbing cheese on their windows. They’ll ask you questions like, “What the fuck do *you* want, honkey?” A valid response might be, “Two red-hots, bitch.” Usually that gets you a meal.

Like a lot of small, local restaurants, The Weiner Circle has items available which do not appear on their menu. Their chocolate milk shake is one such item, and it will cost you $20, but it is worth every penny. I’m not kidding, it’s a $20 milkshake (only chocolate that I’ve seen so far, no strawberry, sorry). Very enjoyable.

Anyway, my last trip to Chicago did not involve any sort of camera, so I stole someone else’s pictures of the Weiner Circle and uploaded them onto my new Flickr account. You can see what I’m talking about there, but it’s not anything like going for real.

Oh, and the hot dogs are pretty good, if you like that Chicago style where there’s more stuff on the hot dog than actual hot dog.

Hey everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve updated (big suprise, right?), but now I’ll have twice the readership!

That’s right, utilizing technologically advanced Gandolfian techniques, I have streamed my blog via RSS onto the stalker-ridden pages of Facebook.com. It’s a very big step for me, emotionally.

In other news, the full version of my sister and brother-in-law’s website is up, and it’s pretty awesome. In a “we have a creepy love for our dog” sort of way, I mean. Check it out if you enjoy videos of howling, yipping boxers.

If I were to write a lexicon of superlatives, http://www.toothpastefordinner.com would get the entry for Most Hilarious Webcomic.

This dude, Drew, updates every day with new content.  Every day.

I usually check it first thing in the morning while I’m checking my e-mail and drinking coffee.  Sometimes his webcomic is funny enough that I spurt coffee out of my nose, which while uncomfortable, is funny by itself.  Usually this is followed up with the obligatory e-mail to my buddies at work:

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To: People I like@crappyworkplace.com

CC: Nottheboss@crappyworkplace.com

From: Me@crappyworkplace.com

Subject: You’re fired!

Haha, just kidding, lolz.  You’re not really fired, but if you don’t laugh at this webcomic link, you may be.

Anyway, here’s the link.  Remember [inside joke]?  Haha, what a card that Sellars guy is — wearing jeans on a Thursday.

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Sometimes I don’t remember to delete our company’s automatic signature, which somehow makes it funnier.

Been a while since I’ve updated this site, but this being the interweb I think you’ll understand.

I’ll write some fun stories soon, such as about my most excellent trip to Chicago (two words “weiner circle”), and such.

Nothing new to report on the music front — sorry. I started reading Steven King’s It, was reminded of the scariest crap from childhood, and lost the will to do anything but finish the book. Sometimes King really does an amazing job capturing the spirit of adolescent boyhood. Farts and funny names for weiners and such, with the ever-present fear of what-the-hell-is-that-under-my-bed?!

I think it’s giving me the kick in the ass I needed to get back to work on the Rose Chronicles. Staring at King’s big, ultra-successful mug on the back of that thick paperback sort of reminds one that one hasn’t been doing much lately.

In any case, if you’re looking for a great album to pick up, I’d recommend Thom Yorke (Radiohead) The Eraser. It’s electro-pop, but a bit more accessable than something like Postal Service. Darker, maybe? It certainly has Yorke’s signature haunting style.